Honey, Honey

So, a few people have expressed concern about me with the arrival of each new Maybe, Matilda post. Apparently I seem a little sad, maybe even miserable. I suppose, given what I know is the usual tone of my writing, that it doesn't really surprise me. However, I assure you that this couldn't be further from the truth! I just seem to tend to be overcome with the urge to write when I'm upset, and this blog was the result. Anyway, to keep everyone from sending me sympathy cards, I decided to write a blog that shows my more usual cheerful side. My new blog doesn't contain so much of my writing, but will be about music that I love, wild moments with my children, and pins that I am obsessing over. I've really been enjoying having an outlet for these kinds of things, and the challenge of html and trying to find something actually interesting to write about...

Anyway, here it is! Honey, Honey.

P.S. Not like ABBA. I'm more of a title of a Feist song, lyrics to Coldplay's "God Put a Smile on Your Face", what I call my babies, I just liked the sound of it kind of girl.

Heroes of the Sidewalk

Well, it's kind of sad that I haven't written anything since I told you about my last A4A post, but here I am to talk about my latest one. Inspired by Two Hour's Traffic's track "Heroes of the Sidewalk", I wrote another piece for Art for Art. This time, it's a poem. I also have decided that my next post,  on Maybe, Matilda or otherwise, is going to be something a bit more....positive. I always tend to write when I'm upset or nostalgic, and I end up giving people the impression that I'm constantly depressed. I find it kind of funny, because it's the furthest thing from the truth, but I should probably at least try to write something in the happy range.
Anyway, check out my poem and the amazing blog that is Art 4 Art! They are always looking for contributors, and I really encourage you to consider it. I truly think that A4A is a unique and worthy project, and it relies on contributions from all sorts of creative types to be able to continue on.

My (nameless) poem:

http://art-four-art.blogspot.com/2012/01/two-hours-traffic-heroes-of-sidewalk.html

You Always Come To Mind

Have you checked out Art 4 Art yet? It's a fantastic blog brimming with all sorts of art inspired by Canadian music! Here's the link: http://art-four-art.blogspot.com/

I was asked to write something for A4A, and got really caught up in a whirlwind of ideas. It was a bit of a challenge, or a step outside my comfort zone, because I don't usually write in the style that I chose. Once I got started, I really enjoyed writing this piece and would do it again. Here's my short story, inspired by Samantha Savage Smith's song "You Always Come To Mind": http://art-four-art.blogspot.com/2011/12/samantha-savage-smith-you-always-come.html

Look At You, You're Growing Old So Young

Dishpan hands and an aching back.
She never could have imagined this.
All she had ever wanted,
Hers.
One more year and the light through the cracks in the windows
might shine a little more.
Two more years might mean less of the tension hardening his jaw,
and more of the laugh that reminds her of falling in love.
It seems selfish to say that things are anything but wonderful.
To wish for anything better.
She wonders if it’s her.
She wonders if all the things she is giving will ever be enough.
She wonders when the time will come.
Hers.
One more year is another year of their innocence lost.
The days of firsts will be spread so much thinner.
Two more years – will she remember where she’s been?
Will it be everything she wanted?
She needs to know she’ll miss this.

I Won't Be Left Dancing Alone To Songs Of The Past

How much you’ve changed.
Were you always this heavy?
Were you always this light?
You used to fit better.
Perhaps it was all in my mind.
Do I still want you?
Did I ever?
Does it matter?
Should you have stayed lost in the snow?
Maybe all you need is some polish.

I Want To Live Where Soul Meets Body

   “So where do we go from here?” 
   It is very hard to admit to myself that I don’t always know the answer to that question. I feeling like I’ve been in hiding. I don’t know if time stopped for me, or if I was off in my own world. At any rate, everyone and everything else kept going and I’m struggling to catch up. It doesn’t help that I’m not really doing things, well, normally. I am trying to be all sorts of things at the same time, and I’m not sure how I am supposed to do that. Everything has happened to quickly in my life, and I am just now grabbing hold of a fence and trying to steady myself.
   I look back and I am just completely at a loss. Where did it all go? I have gained so much in it’s place but without any sort of a goodbye to what used to be.
I think I have stopped writing because I lost my bravery. I have lost the courage that led me to be honest with myself. These days, life seems more and more like a contest that I am an unwilling participant in. It is all on display in a window with no blinds, on a very public street. So, I’ve tried to hide and I’ve tried to minimize the onlookers. I have tried to get everyone to keep on walking by with a facade that everything is under control. However, the truth is that I just need a moment.  And the more I try to hide, the more I feel alone and left behind.
   I used to be able to get to this place where I could find the answers, and keep moving forward. Now, I keep moving, but I can’t get to that place anymore. And meanwhile, time just keeps running and running and running. I am afraid that someday time will have run out, and I will still be clinging to that fence; still trying to figure it out.

How Long Do You Want To Be Loved? Is Forever Enough?

It was hard. And I was afraid. Not as much in the beginning; there was only excitement then. But as time went on. It was more about silly things, but they did seem real at the time. When would it end? Why do I feel as though I’m not even here, but merely looking down on myself. It now reminds me of a story that I read to you, about two “scaredy cats…who began to wonder and worry about scary things”…
But I was also afraid for you. Where were you?
To be honest, it’s hard to recall what it felt like the first time I held you. I was beyond exhausted, barely there. But I remember relief at seeing your daddy holding you close, and I knew you were alright. I’ve never seen him like that before. So proud, so relieved, so in awe.
It was there, in the hospital, that I began to feel what it is that I suppose all mothers feel. I have never felt that way before. I could try to describe it, but I am sure that any words could ever be enough.
I can tell you that later on, there were some days when I would look at you and cry. It has been hard knowing I would have to fight to give you all that I wanted to. And my dear, I want you to have it all.
I don’t mean the material things. I want you to have your share of those too, but I want you to know the important things in life. I want you to know joy in the small and simplest of things. I want you to know the meaning of love, and carefree abandon. I want you to know the rewards of fighting to see something through, but I never want you to suffer. I want you to know innocence for as long as I can protect it. I want you to know safety, freedom, and home. I want you to know every good feeling – from the thrill of a breakaway, to the calm of laying in the sand. I want you to know opportunity.  I want you to see the world.
Sometimes, it is still hard. The timing of all that has happened has not always worked in our favor. It used to bother me on occasion, because of how much I care for you and how badly I want your happiness. Until, one day, a realization came to me:
If everything had not happened the way it did, and you had not come into being at that very moment, you would not be you. I would have never known you. And that, love, would have been a great loss.
I need you to know that I would not change it for the world. I need you to know that I love you, my son, with all of my heart. I am determined to give you the best of this world. As cliche as it is, I can truly say that while it has not always been easy, it has always been – will always be – worth it.