I had a hard moment today. I was sorting through my old things, purging what wasn't needed in my new chapter. I really thought that I had left it behind, that I'd catalogued you with my decisions made for all the best reasons. So I had thought, looking from my side of things. I realized though, shaking hand holding tight to that piece of paper, that perhaps...
I said that I couldn't talk about it. I don't know that I have ever said that before and meant it, but I did. I could barely see the white page as I kept trying to fold it. Trying to block out the words and all of that desperation.
I had gotten a glimpse of that other side. A side not nearly as tidy as I had once convinced myself that it was. I couldn't bear what it really was, whether or not my hands were clean of any instigation. The ball fell in my court and there I let it lie. I remember the reasons why and I still feel that they were justified. Just and logical and easy.
It hit me then. Then I realized that perhaps I was still...wrong.
I can see it now. I can see the whole sad tale laid out, face up. All of the roles, all of the letters, all of the ways the characters were changed by love. I don't know that any of us have turned out alright, and certainly not un-damaged. The final conclusion is at best uncertain, but now that I have seen my part in this story, I realize that yours cannot end this way.
I was wrong.